You Can Take or Leave Me

Back to the topic of my best friend. Best friends. That's what this is all about - that's my life now, anyhow. My former best friend is in my math class. We sit together at lunch on A days. We've slowly started talking more, which is a pretty big deal for us. We've actually made plans to hang out - the Hunger Games midnight premier. Last Friday we had a snow day. She texted me something sweet, something that hinted that our old camaraderie had returned. Or was starting to. Things are starting to look like they had been.

But I'm still so mad. So, so mad.

My group of best friends... It feels like they're phasing me out. With the former best friend, things slowly started to disintegrate, until one day, there was nothing left. We hadn't spoken in weeks and she'd barely spared me a glance in the hallways. She didn't tell me that she had gotten a new piercing - a big deal for her, considering it's not really her "thing" - she swore she had told me, but she hadn't. She told me she'd text me and we'd make plans - and when we did, the plans fell through and I'd see that she had hung out with my replacement instead.

It's happening again. My group of best friends.. they don't share anything with me anymore. Granted, I never get to see them. We have completely different schedules. I see them for maybe five minutes a day, if at all. One of them got an iPhone two weeks ago. The three of them are going to The Black Key's concert - I love the Black Key's, and they know that. I'm free the day of the concert. They all text all the time, but they hardly ever text me anymore. I'm so out of the loop, and I don't know what to do. This can't happen again, not with them.

give me reason, I am pleading

Hey. it's been a long while, I know -- a full year and a half, and counting. I'm sixteen now. I've had my driver's license since July of this past summer. Sadly, though, not much in my life has changed.

My parents are my parents, demanding and overbearing. My sister is off at school.

I'm a Junior now, in the same school, in the same house, with the same people and pets and life.

My best friend... isn't my best friend anymore. She ditched me for popularity, and slowly started phasing me out of her life last year. Now, we have a class together, which forces us to talk. We're working on getting close again. I don't know where that's going to go, and I'm still mad at her over everything that happened. She should have been there for me through everything, and I should have been there for her. That's how it's supposed to be. I cried a lot, from October 2010 to June 2011. It was cruel of her to ignore my calls and texts, pretend to be busy, ignore me in the hallways. But somehow, when I'm around her now, I feel the strongest desire I've ever felt. To be close with her again, to have what we had before, only better. I'll be a better best friend. I'll be more outgoing, I'll hang out with her more, and I'll have better advice. I'll be more witty, I'm prettier now and I'll try harder with everything. Friendships can leave you just as vulnerable as relationships.

solemn warnings,

who's gonna drive you home?

so - my journalism teacher is just a little bit of a wack-job, alright? know this going in.

why is he a wack-job, you ask?

well. he calls himself master tiger.

we have spirit fingers.

he calls us tiger rats.

we had a week-long 'writing camp'.

he doesn't consider a having pizza in class a party, whatsoever.

we have 'sacred writing time' every single day.

we have a 'secret class handshake'.

come to think of it, i'd probably like him if he didn't give us so much work.

damnhim,

i just want one more chance, to put my arms in fragile hands,

well, i just got home from school, and it really feels like a friday. it makes no sense to me, but it does. it really pisses me off that it's thurday, though. because that means i have so much homework to do, due tomorrow.

my grades suck ass, and quarter's over next, next week.

since the quarter is almost over, i've been busting my ass to get good grades, and it's somehow made them worse. i didn't think that it was possible, me getting Ds, but here i am. getting Ds, when i work my ass off.

it scares me shitless, really.

if i don't go to college - i'm kicked out of the house, disowned.

the second that my grades go bad, i'm under lockdown. i used to be an A student - i used to be really smart, too.

what ever happened to that? can intelligence really just... disappear like that?

the thing that stumps me though... is that i've done really well on all of my work, all quarter long.

how in the hell do i have Ds?

I think it may be some faulty thing in the system.

or i sure as hell hope so.

i thought you said forever, over and over.

i really seriously love anberlin. like, a lot.

anyways, this section won't be about anberlin. still not really sure of what it'll be on, but probably music of some sort.

can you tell i just kind of... do whatever i want in these sections?

if you can't, either you aren't the brightest colored crayon in the box, or i'm a really good bser & blogger.

i bet its the second one, cause i don't think anyone who reads this isn't smartt, and wonderrful, and just the slightest bit out there.. i think you'd have to be to read about all of this random shit, from just another blog. XD

i was totally going to add something else, but my lack of the ability to remember anything has once again struck. so, iloveyouuu!

this sleepless night becomes utter oblivion.

oh, whoops, that's a curb.

i'm calling your name up into the air. not one of the others could ever compare.

well. hello there, you lovely person you!

okay, that was stupid. but, whatever. i'm kind of realllly happy(: i don't know why, but driving makes me happy.

i just drove around my high school's parking lottt!

well, if you didn't know, i don't have my license yet.

or my permit..

i actually just started segment one, and it sucks. i hate it.

but i've gotta do it, right? riight(:

wait - there is a light, there is a fire.

concerts make me happy. the following is mainly just a note for myself, but whatever.

May 6th; The Summer Set. Hey Monday. Nevershoutnever. Every Avenue. The Cab.

Pontiac, 7PM.

May 20th; 3oh!3, Cobra Starship,

June 15th; All Time Low, Boys Like Girls, LMFAO, Third Eye Blind, Forever the Sickest Kids.

Clarkston,

Those are the concerts i plan on going to.

It's going to happen.

I'm sure of it.

defragmenting the attic. fate? Or something better?

those two sections above are from two days ago.

i didn't think that they were enough to publish - cause they suck asssss.

soo, here i am, adding more.

i could care less,

okay, so i am newly in love with the band incubus, and yesterday i bought the script's CD. lovethem,somuch. anywhore, all day long i've been listening to incubus, the script, mayday, and anberlin. all amazing bands, that i love oh-so-mucch.

you know what i love about this blogging thing? i think i may actually be alright at it.

maybe. you tell me, alright? alrightt.

back to the topic of this pretty little section here - music loves.

if you haven't listened to any of them... well, go do it. now. like, i'm demanding it(:

just stay with me a while.

in a show of hands,

who has said these words before? in a show of hearts on the floor, who has ever meant them all?

So, I was clicking around on the site, this one, right here. Clicking that magical little 'Next Blog' button. I've been looking through the blogs that just happened to come up - and a lot of them I went "What The Fuck?" on. Others made me happy, or seemed normal enough on first glance.

All of this is to be expected, correct? Yes, yeah. Expected when you just click around. Cause we all know not everyone is normal.

Hell, I'm no where near normal.

But.. I was suprised at how many Family blogs there were. About half of the blogs that popped up were family blogs.

Sure, I guess I'm happy that these parents want to document their lives, have something tangible to show the world. "Hey! Look at my kids! My husband! My house! My life."

I just don't know what they get out of it.

Call me something horrible, if you must, but ... My family isn't close. I don't get why someone would want to show their kids off. Having kids is a selfish act as is, but showing them and your life off like its some trophy?

And now I feel like a complete bitch, but whatever. This is my blog, anyhow(:

i'll swallow my pride, if you'll stay for the years and watch me spin circles as i disappear.

Continuing on with things that I found.

Some blog, called something with Gin in the title. First post that I saw? Most recent one, that is.

Practically just her writing out her and her boyfriend/lover/husband/significant other having sex. Really? I just found it odd to be posting something like that - something that most girls say that they cherish and find special and all that shit. But, really? I don't know. The only reason I can think that she'd post it is because she wanted others to read this special moment. Because how she wrote it, she wrote it like it was the most spiritual and spectacular thing on the planet.

From what I've heard about sex, it isn't always like that.

So I took it as a rub-in-your-face kind of thing. Then again, this is me. And I guess I'm really cynical today.

Promise. I'm not always this way. I'm normally really friggen cheery and positive and shit.

Where'd that go?

and hearts, they don't lie, they just quiver in fear as you say...

there was totally another blog i was going to talk about! Damn me and my memory.

Watch, as soon as I post this thing, I'll remember.

Just watch.

tonight we forget everything, and we stay for the night.

I REMEMBER! I didn't have to post to figure it out!

There was this blog for teachers.

Like, i didn't really hover on the page for too long. Just long enough to see the title - something about Teachers, though. And the tagline, description thing was something like "teachers helping teachers".

I thought it was kind of cool - but then I got to thinking...

Teachers blog about teaching?

I bet all they talk about are conspiracies and how much they hate teenagers.

if i was wrong, then i'm sorry. i'll stop this fight - for the night.

keep you in the dark ,

let's try this out,

Hmm. This little blog here, not so sure what it will be yet. Random thoughts? Ranting? A blog of my boring life? Song recommendations? No clue. It'll just be, is my guess.

I'll start out with ME. My name is Courtney, I'm fourteen years old. Young, yeah, I guess. Mature, according to everyone I know. I'm not really going to talk about myself. I'm still not sure. I seriously just signed up without even thinking about it - don't shoot me.

I love to write. Reading's cool too, but books often piss me off. Just by the endings, because I always don't want it to end yet. Movies are great. I'm not going to talk about shit like Twilight or Harry Potter - I don't really want to get into that shit, considering people are too wrapped up in it as is. I don't want this to be filled with tons of people arguing over things - sure, I'm probably going to be stating my opinion on a lot of things. But I don't want fighting over ridiculous things. Which is why I'm probably going to stay away from all of that. I'm saying probably because I still have no idea what this will be. If someone happens to stumble upon this, and has an idea, then I'm all for it. (: Open to suggestions, all that good stuff.

i'll be your memories, you're lullaby for all the times, hoping my voice could get it right.

I adore Mayday Parade. Well, they're my current obsession. I've always loved All Time Low, along with many many many others. But I really don't want to list the two-hundred-something bands that I'm in love with. No I don't just like Alternative, Punk music. I love the mainstream stuff, Rock, Classical, Rap. Country's even growing on me.

I'm just going to end this - I really need to get an idea of what I'm going to do with this Blog. This is what happens when I do things impulsively.